2018-2020: Some Entries From A Difficult Phase
…But Through It, All The More Ability To Feel, Heal, And Help Others. <3
Preface
Hello. :3
This is 8/13/2025 Ashli/Akaila (again), here to let you know a little heads up. The contents of this blog are a lot more dark than my typical blogs, as these are some of the raw, unedited entries (any additions made in post, however, are surrounded by []) I had made back when I was in HS, deepling struggling with all sorts of life issues.
[READER DISCRETION IS ADVISED]
A lot of my philosophies found in here are highly outdated, and I will not be going over each and every single one to tell you how my philosophy has updated since, as I believe that’s unnecessary (my work from the year 2025 is, obviously, my more up to date philosophy and a COMPLETELY different, matured/self-understanding person essentially from who I was back here, writing these entries found on this page).
However, I share these for you to read despite them being so outdated, because they, too, detail my foundations that paved the way for me to form the philosophy I hold today; each and every single step along the way, brought me here - they are all important, and they are all apart of me - not necessarily refined steps, but steps that kept me moving forward nonetheless, trying to better myself, steps I still take now, steps everyone tries to take in their own beautiful way to try and make it to their own internal heaven someday.
I would not change anything I’ve done in the past or even change the past itself; you can’t change the past and the past is forever apart of us, but we are not forever a part of it. It brought us to this new, eternal Now… and just what are you gonna do with it, friend?
Keep flying, keep on keepin’ on, and stay strong, you wonderful fool.
Kaiju
My thoughts on the afterlife don’t really involve a physical Heaven. I think of Heaven more of a resting place for the soul, or maybe it’s like a lucid dream that lasts forever where whatever you think of will happen and maybe your family and friends will be there. But what I believe the most is what I call a “Heaven” is losing memory of your previous life and starting a new one, each life playing a key role in the history of the world, maybe even other worlds. You might wake up as a baby alien in your next life but you’d never know that you were a different species in your last life. Maybe you’ll wake up as a dog or a pet that helps a person get through tough times which makes that person go on to do even greater things. Knowing this, there is no need to fear death. Your soul will live on for all eternity. It will just keep being reused over and over again.
The butterfly effect controls our lives. Even if you think you are doing nothing for the world, secretly you are creating golden parts of history. Every life plays a key role in the world.
Or in this case Their worlds.
-[old name]
- 8/5/18
(My thoughts on the afterlife have changed drastically since this time, now it relies more on becoming nothing or becoming one with God, becoming a singularity or quickly viewing over your entire lifetime in what feels like a while but is no time at all before you return to the endless void and rejoin the nothingness, or maybe you’ll wake up from a simulation, I may talk about it in more depth in another entry down the line. [-2020-ish i think])
Many people believe that there is a devil. But I believe that there is no such thing as a devil or hell. Here’s why. If you were to commit a sin, as long as you can learn to forgive yourself or if someone can forgive you then God has to forgive you as it would show that you are better than God at something if you were to be able to Forgive but he couldn’t, and that’s not possible, God is perfect and is better than humans at everything, better at everything than everything. And if you were forgiven, then God would forgive you too, everyone will go to Heaven. And if everyone goes to Heaven then there is no need for a Hell. Therefore there is no need for a devil. And the demons, well, God isn’t going to throw anything at you that you can’t handle, that would just be unfair. And demons are to be known as corrupted souls, well, if everyone went to Heaven their soul would be at peace and in the hands of God. God would never make someone bad for all eternity. God has chosen paths for all of us. Some involve horrible crimes but this is just to test our forgiveness for others and for ourselves. God will always forgive us. We are imperfect for a reason. There are many reasons to life. But forgiveness holds a special place in our lives. It connects us to God.
It makes us human.
- [old name]
- 8/15/18
The date is November 10, 2020, the time is 3:37 AM, I’m currently writing this out of complete boredom, but, to clear my mind I need to put words down. Nearly 2 years ago on August 18, 2018 during my fifth period World history class with Mr. Jenkins I had an overwhelming pain come upon me, it was unlike any other pain I’ve ever felt before in my entire life. It felt like I was going to have a heart attack at any given second. I couldn’t feel myself think. I was sent to the nurses office and she put it off as just low blood sugar but little did I know from that day forward, even after countless doctors appointments and visits, I would suffer for every passing day due to a condition known as new daily persistent headache and not once would I ever feel normal again. New daily persistent headache restricts me from doing normal task the people of you is easy and a lot of people would have muscle memory for I previously had muscle memory for all sorts of these types of things but things to NDPH, writing and typing are now seemingly difficult tasks seen before me. Whenever I go to type right forming sentences in my head is a difficult task as normally I’ll come to think of the following word in the sentence and I’ll just become a blur in my mind you’re subconsciously occurred to me what the word is but I’ll never be able to make it out consciously so I was struggling struggling until I come up with another word think of it as constant memory fog in writing with writing I’ll go to write a word that I’m thinking of and I’ll picture of the whole sentence I want in my mind and I’ll wind up writing the word after the next word instead of the following word in the sentence.
I suffer every single day from this condition every time I go to sleep every time I wake up no matter how many times I prayer wish for it to go away it’s still follows me and lingers over me like an overarching shadow a wait constantly pushing me down and pulling me down with every passing second and not once doesn’t let up
I’m currently using voice to message on my phone right now to write all of this as I don’t want to even attempt to formulate sentences as I attempt to write this so instead I’m just speaking all of this out and possibly I’ll do something with it later
This condition as you can guess sucks every bit of motivation I can possibly gain out of anything I ever do for the most part it makes it very difficult to find any sort of motivation to do anything as knowing and believing that I have this disadvantage disability this handicap no matter where I go just makes it hard to see through it
I’d like to write a book on the experiences I’ve had the feeling that bad in the trauma and suffering I’ve had to Indore that to seems like a difficult task with my lack of motivation due to this condition I currently withhold
I’d like to also write a book on all the theories and different ideas I have and potentially name it the complexity of simplicity
I’m not sure if these words will ever go to use Ralph and leave and see these again in the near future and since the voice command to message tours a little bit ridiculous he’ll be hard to make out most of these words anyways
However I’m sure I’ll be able to figure out what I’ve said and if I don’t oh well
I spent a lot of nights like these thinking these words out of my head I don’t typically say it out loud but here I am
Possibly I could use this is some sort of template if I were to write a book well if that’s the case then maybe I can work out a bit of a order now at the time
Well for starters I’d like to discuss my theories on God and religion within my book and how religion is a long game of telephone created by humanity where as humans and living creatures are indirectly or directly created by God so if you were define God it would be best to take a look at yourself and find your own unique path towards God rather than looking out towards materialistic things created by imperfect humans
God as we know is a perfect being he knows everything on top of this he created everything and since God created everything including time he doesn’t abide by time actually rather he’s a singularity cross all time and space space time even is a singularity cross the past present and future this means that God also knows everything we will ever do God knew everything that has happened and will happen before it’s never happened before the universe was that even created God has known everything he knows exactly everything that will ever happen in the universe and he’s known this since the dawn of his creation that done for creation of everything
Also the Devil in the idea of demons is merely created by humans as a way of describing the natural greed and hatred of humanity and put it in actuality it’s more for personification of it to put in terms that’s honestly what religion does for the most part regardless
When people ask and see the humans need to ask God for forgiveness for their sins it’s honestly quite silly because there’s no need for God to forgive you because he already knew you were going to do those things and he created you knowing that you would do that everybody has their own set path and we all have our own destinies and regardless of what we do we will follow the path God has laid before is perfectly whether we like it or not because no matter what we do we honestly don’t really have free will will the debate of free will is up for grabs but we truly don’t know if we have free will or not but most likely in then we know this for a fact God has said a path before us we don’t have a destiny so really we don’t really have any free will to begin with
Anything we ever will do or have done has already been forgiven by God long before the creation of the universe
Also most likely going off the topic of religion God most likely we all live inside of a simulation of some sort because with multiple possibilities including our universe and our current reality we’re already beginning to simulate reality if we can get to the point where we create realistic guy and maybe that’s all we are as well we’re just out and like because it will be a simulation within a simulation with an a simulation and so forth and the same thing goes with the universe being within the universe within the universe and with God God to be created by another guy by another guy but I can’t buy another God in which I personally worship and believe that I know that I have a connection with is the God above it all going to start at all the grass will be on top of that with the different chains of God’s been created by other gods another God could be creating the entire infinite chain of gods selves and so forth God’s creating infinite chains of gods of gods well another God creates the infinite chain of infinite God creating infinite chains of God increase infinitely creating infinite universe is of universe is with infinite simulations of simulations
In my book I also would like to have a section dedicated to my family and all those who have helped me throughout my life and most importantly about my mom who passed away about a month ago and how brave and how selfless and how caring she was three others
Another thing I would like to talk about in my book is hell no matter what we do it is cut or we can always be considered selfish in someway even spending money and sending share money off the charity can be considered selfish as your indirectly doing it as a direct result of your biologically infused reward system that makes you happy knowing you did a good deed
one of the few ways I see being truly selfless in one way is love because if you can put that if you can think of that person as a part of yourself doing things for them although it may be obviously triggering your reward system in your brain with dopamine and such it also would be in a way apart of yourself meaning what you’re doing is selfish for another person but since they’re a different person they’re not actually a part of you it’s truly selfish instead
I’ve been keeping all sorts of logs and diaries in different pieces of information scattered about throughout my Google drive and Google docs in the notes and reminders but I think I might begin to start using this document more often and just speak what’s on my mind and let it ride out on the document and potentially I can go back and polishing actually write things instead of just doing voice to text
Hopefully I’ll be able to make out what I’m actually saying because voice to text honestly sucks
Well I don’t have anything else in my mind at the moment so I think it’s best to go to sleep it’s currently 4 AM and I’ve got to school in three hours from now so I guess I’ll see you later goodbye and good night
The Key to True Selflessness (A response I wrote in a Discord DM lol) By [old name], 9/30/2020 10:30PM
Everything humans do no matter what is selfish. It’s merely just part of our nature. We come into this world with nothing but ourselves and in our nature is the desire to survive and do whatever it takes to stay alive. We’re constantly looking out for our own self interest, and even things like let’s say if you were to give to charity for no benefits for yourself whatsoever it’s still selfish because whether you realize it or not, your brain did it because its wired to think that that’s a good deed you did, thus rewarding your brain with dopamine and happiness that you accomplished a good thing, literally everything we do is selfish and relationships are no different, however, if you were to have a 2 sided relationship where both persons think of one another as an extension of themselves, then anything that your brain is wired to do selfishly such as holding their hand or killing yourself to save them in some sort of scenario and whatnot intentionally wanting to make that other person feel better or saving them while still doing it unintentionally to make yourself feel better, it’s technically selfless because you’re doing a selfish action for “yourself” as in the other person whom isn’t truly a physical part of you but rather a whole other being entirely, and if that other person is willing to do the same for you then it creates a never ending cycle.
Thus, with true relationships comes romance, with romance comes love, with love comes selflessness. And that is the only way to break the wired in selfish cycle of humankind - a paradox rather - is with yet another paradox. That’s how our universe works as a whole, really. It’s all just a bunch of paradoxes with more paradoxes as solutions.
We all say we’re perfectly imperfect, but in the eyes of the Lord, what are the standards for perfection? We obviously have our own standards for what is and isn’t perfect, but what if all of this is perfect after all? Since God doesn’t abide by time since he created time itself and wouldn’t make a rule for himself to stand by, he knows what our whole life will be like before we’re even born. Even before the universe was made. And since everything plans out the way God wanted it, does that mean it’s perfect? Honestly, I think it is. In our eyes, probably not, but in the Lord’s? I’d say almost definitely.
- August 9th 2020
We are all loving souls put into selfish bodies.
7/31/20
(Response in discord once again lol) Pedophiles are just people who’s brains were developed in the wrong way as a child, I don’t believe they should be beaten, I believe they should they should seek a psychologist and get the right treatment to either lower their desire for children or completely eliminate their preference as a whole, liking children is merely a fetish, a desire, but that doesn’t mean it’s moral or right to do, some people will argue that it’s just like a guy liking a guy, or a girl liking a girl, that is just another sexual preference, when in reality it’s not, it’s a sexual desire. A distorted, immoral desire. It can be related to other immoral desires including a certain fetish where people find pleasure in killing others, or even having sex with dead bodies. So when people say fetishes are harmless, theyre fucking wrong. Dead wrong. Pedophilia is not a sexual preference, a preference is when you’re drawn towards a specific gender, and sorry to break it to ya, but CHILD is not a fucking gender.
[^originally written around ~2019/2020 - Note added 8/13/2025: No one is intrinsically evil or a monster, but one must ofc consider the ramifications of acting out one’s desires; my desire to be a trans woman and act that out, doesn’t affect anyone else directly in a way where I’m making a decision for them - when you are a pedophile with desires to act that out, however, that is in turn making a decision for someone else (a child) who is not matured to the point in which they can understand the consequences of such an event, what it means, what’s being done to them, etc. - pedophilia is a desire that makes a decision for a child who, if was mature enough and of age, highly likely would NOT choose that for themself; same goes for perhaps someone with a fetish to eat people while they’re knocked out or fuck dead people; you are making that decision for that person who is incapable of properly making the decision for themself - take another example of someone being intoxicated and unable to give consent, it is the exact same moral dilemma in a different way. Again, to reiterate, being born with desires to do such things does not at all make you a monster, but acting them out and negatively affecting another person bc you chose for them something they wouldn’t have wanted on a sober mind, does in fact mean you did something terrible - and, when you hurt another, you in turn hurt yourself as well, whether you realize it or not; you should work to gift wisdom and free people, not give them trauma that will chain them down and clip their wings - doing this to another likely just means someone once did this to you, or you did it to yourself, to which I’d say to that, I am deeply sorry, and no one deserves that treatment. Don’t continue the cycle; you are so much more than that, and I’d give you a hug. We’re all in this together; let’s help each other heal, not hurt.]
I feel hopeless every single second of my life, the only thing that even begins to give me hope is the thought of being with my special someone, but I’m always reminded that no matter what, I will never deserve someone as amazing as that person, they’re better off with anybody else, most days I want to cry but I physically am disabled from doing so, I also am stuck going in and out of psychosis weekly to the point where some days I just don’t see a reason in it all, God is the only person who can truly love me fully, and here on Earth the Lord is with me, but I am not with him. Nowadays, I spend a lot of time wondering if I did it, and dreaming of just how magical it’d be to spend an eternity in the arms of my creator, but of course, I never can gain the courage to do so. Selfishness, and selflessness are keeping me anchored to this soil. If I leave, that’s selfish, as people will miss me. People missing me is selfish of them, and me not leaving because of it is selfless. If I were to leave, it’d be completely selfish of myself. No matter what way you turn it, the world is fueled by selfishness, that of which can only be counteracted with selflessness, which is secretly selfishness in disguise. You don’t want to make people feel bad by leaving, so you call that selfishness, when in reality, you are being selfish. You don’t want to be the one who abandons everyone.
Date written: ????? [~2019]
I can’t help but wonder Lord, are we nothing more than meat and bones, driven by perversion and the lust to fill in the gaps voided by ignorance?
6 24 20
You know what’s awesome? Trying your hardest to love someone and make them feel appreciated while in the meantime they’re cheating on you. I’m going to flat out say this: Ty is the biggest piece of shit I’ve ever met. He may seem nice, but I’ve never been so fucking used nor abused in my fucking life. As soon as we got together he wanted to meet up so I could take him to a movie and I could suck his fucking cock. Second date, I decided to use some of my measly fucking $50 to my name to buy a gift card so I could gift him steam games and shit but instead he wanted me to just give him the code so he could spend it on league n shit. Third date, I spent $50 on sushi and he didn’t even care to offer any money at all. Fourth date, he fucking stole from the target we went into, a fucking whistle and he lied about it too, and out of all our fucking dates the only thing he wanted was either fucking sex or money. And that’s just shit from dates, that’s not even talking about all the other bs. He also lied to me about being a fucking virgin just so I’d have sex with him, I cannot express how fucking used I feel daily and how much I regret even fucking meeting the mother fucker
Date written: Early 2020
I feel so pathetically lonely. And yes, I know I’ll always have God by my side, but I can’t wrap my arms around him and tell him I love him. I just want somebody to hold. To kiss. To love.
Dear reader, after reading my messages and taking a peak into my fears, hopes, and dreams, please try to find that in yourself as well. Recognizing who you are will only lead to benefits, it’s hard to be someone in this world when that someone is lost in themself.
- 1/29/20
It’s so stupid how I’ll jot down these notes and they’ll go from “oh haha look at me I know about the universe” to just being full on pathetic. It’s honestly cringey as fuck but it doesn’t even matter because nobody will see these notes other than myself. Then who am I writing these to? You, the reader. If you’re reading this, then that makes you the targeted audience, you should feel special. I’m writing these notes without the intention of anyone seeing them, yet I simultaneously hope that somebody will find them at the same time. I guess that changes the overall intention, huh?
Date written: ????
We each have our own versions of reality. If nothing was here to witness it, reality would cease to exist.
Reality only exists if there are things to perceive it.
Date written: ????
Although I may only see clearly for tonight, these moments are enough for me to see through it all. I have been given a purpose. I may never find out what that purpose is, but it is a purpose nonetheless. For that Lord, I am grateful. I will cherish these few moments and bathe in your joy, for you have given me meaning.
[old name], a person with meaning.
- 11/30/19
Humans are selfish creatures. Anything and everything we do can be, in some way, considered selfish. Anything anything does can be considered selfish. But not all intentions can be considered selfish. The mind, emotion, the body, physical needs, but with the soul comes intention and will. Your mind could be saying you’re sad, and that nobody loves you, and that you should just die, your body says you’re tired, making the agonizing feeling of overwhelming dread evermore crippling, but your soul is what keeps you going. The soul is what makes the difference. The soul resists all odds, no matter what the body tells you to think or do. We are more than mindless savages. Our souls give us control, even when everything leads us to believe that we are not. We, my friend, are more than ourselves lead us to believe. If we only had our mind and our body, which were both made to be selfish and be beneficial for your own survival, then people would never be willing to die for another person. Somebody could be truly happy and be in great shape and choose to kill them selves, as long as they had a strong enough will to do so. One of our purposes, I believe, is to see past what’s in front of us, what all leads us to believe, in a sense, that’s what faith is, where we learn to control the biology prison we were forced into unwillingly, and become more than ourselves.
[old name]
Date written: ????
The Lord gave me meaning in a world without meaning.
[old name].
Date written: ????
When viewed, probability turns into reality based off scientific experiments where quarks do not exist until viewed. They never existed, until we made them exist. They existed, even for an instance, within our own minds. Because we saw them, they existed in some way, we saw them as if they were physical even though they never existed to begin with. It was also proven that larger molecules had similar actions when compared to quarks, they were able to be in two places at once, meaning practically anything at any scale could represent these actions. Including, the universe in its entirety. We are more than reality of itself, as reality as a whole is simply one big probability, and a probability cannot turn another probability into reality. We are more than a probability. We are more than reality. We make reality exist. We turn the Lords probability into reality. There is more than reality. We are more than reality. We are the tools of the Lord, and with this comes purpose.
[old name]
Date written: ????
Nowadays I don’t feel like it’s right to message him, recently he’s just been ignoring me saying he’s busy and tired, which I can understand, but even when someone’s tired they can probably type “I love you too” back, right? I want him to be happy more than anything, but I don’t even get the chance to help him. I’m being torn apart. I love him, but who’s to say he even loves me anymore
Date written: ????
This migraine took away my life. My soul has been damned. My conscious, trapped in a never ending imprisonment.
Date written: ???? Prior to the knowledge that the name of my condition is NDPH
I wish someone would save me from this never ending sadness. And I’m not talking about family or friends. I’ve always had an emptiness in my soul and I’ve never experienced it being filled, I just want somebody and I can say it again and again but it’ll never happen. I stumble on words and can’t ever focus on anything anyone is saying bc of this migraine so how the fuck am I supposed to get anyone to like me in any way. It’s never happening.
- 11/21/19
I can’t change the world if I’m trapped in my own body
- 3/6/19
Lord help me please please god please god please help me cure me please lift me of this curse I can’t take it I don’t know if I can manage to wake up again I don’t know god please help me
- 3/6/19
Don’t cry for God knows what to do
As the farther we go, we’re still close
A bond that’s there but see-through
What it is, nobody knows
No tears, as God has our back
He knows our love for one another
Something that can never lack
Something that brings out the brightest color
Look up, as God is here
The constant shine of summer
He’s above, below, everywhere
He knows that we miss each other
Just know that God has a plan
For this love battles fronts
A battle against distance that seems to have just began
God will soon end it, just once
And on this day before we meet again
As that clock ticks half past ten
I wanted to wish you in the happiest way
A Happy Mother’s Day
I love you more than anything mom
[Ashli]
5/11/19
My response in a DM, September 19, 2019: I’m definitely a believer of God and always will be, and Jesus as well because even if he wasn’t made directly from God then the God at the top of it all willed for it to happen to technically it is directly from God himself, and I know Jesus May have never been born but that’s where the faith part comes in and I do have faith in his existence, but I do agree with you, things like the Big Bang for example can’t truly be 100% proven and even the past itself can’t be proven by people who didn’t live in that time period cause we don’t even know if this is all a simulation and it was created and started at 1900 or something like that and programmed it to where we all believe there was a past by giving us history books and documents and planting that idea in peoples minds, honestly it’s like a 50:50 chance were in a simulation but even THEN I STILL know God willed it all to happen because no matter how you look at it God is always on the top of everything: he made the simulators. Possibly, the simulators were made by other simulators, and so on. We can’t prove that some of these chains end, but every single time this same pattern occurs we can prove the existence of a God who knows exactly what I’m going to type out in this message before I even finish typing it. It’s honestly crazy how we can’t comprehend God but we can prove his existence, pretty cool
(I will touch upon any changes in on my take on the concept down the line)
“The challenge of life, is to find meaning in a world without meaning,” - September 2019
[old name]
When I die, whoever’s reading this, I want to be green buried or have my own tree grow out of my remains, or I want to be cremated. I want my body’s materials to return to where they once came, thus completing the cycle.
Date: ???????
I’m currently writing this at 12:19 AM on November 14th, 2020. On the 12th, I found out my mom secretly told my dad that I was gay, but turns out he’s completely chill with it, which honestly really surprised me. Regardless, I’m still very happy. That same day, I came out to all of my other friends whom didn’t know about my sexuality already. They too were all very supportive, at least from what I can tell so far. Going off of this topic, I currently am listening to Cancelled by Born Without Bones on Spotify. I also just finished uploading a bunch of my GFX pieces and artworks to my google drive in case if anything were to happen to the original files (it’s always nice to have a backup for stuff lol).
I FEEL LIKE COMPLETE SHIT RN. WOKE UP AT 7PM TODAY. HAD A HEADACHE ON TOP OF MY ALREADY EXISTING NDPH SO THAT WAS FUN. STILL HAVE IT TOO. GONNA TAKE MELATONIN SO I FORCE MYSELF TO SLEEP AT MIDNIGHT TONIGHT. RIP TO THE TIME I COULD’VE USED TO ACTUALLY DO SOMETHING TODAY. MAYBE COULD’VE GONE OUTSIDE INSTEAD OF BLASTING SPOTIFY THRU MY HEADPHONES IN MY ROOM ALONE THE WHOLE DAY WHILE PLAYING SHITTY GAMES I BARELY FIND ENTERTAINING WITH THE LITTLE MOTIVATION I HAVE TO DO SO. PROB GONNA BE A RINSE AND REPEAT TYPE OF THING FOR THE REST OF THIS BREAK, JUST LIKE SUMMER BREAK, LOL. P.S: DON’T BOTHER TALKING TO ME ABOUT IT PLEASE, I JUST WANTED TO POST THIS TO VENT HOW FUCKING LIFELESS I’VE FELT AS OF LATELY. BEEN IN A DEPRESSION-INDUCED TYPE OF PSYCHOSIS FOR A WHILE NOW AND IT’LL PROB GO ON FOR QUITE SOME TIME TOO. OH WELL LOL, “CHEERS TO THE FALL.”
Been drowning in heartache and stress and so many other things that would take fucking ages to list, I’ve been having constant “thoughts” every single day and what feels like every single minute, and I know I don’t wanna do “it” but sometimes it feels like I really, really fucking want to. Been having dreams about my mom where she would say “why don’t you guys talk to me Or come visit me anymore” “it’s like you don’t care about me.” And it hurts more than ever, because she said those things plenty of times before in person. Reminds me of all the things I’ll never get to take back, never get to go back and change. And that’s only one of the many, many things they’ve completely deprived me of any motivation as of lately, hopefully I can go outside tomorrow and finally clear my head maybe, who knows, who cares even lol, and so p.s. once again, don’t talk to me about this. This is just to get my thoughts down into words.
(Originally typed up on 11/22/2020, posted to my close friends story, in which only 1 person replied)
Individuals to humankind as a whole as well as the universe in its entirety is nothing more than patterns and probability.
- 12/2/2020
Chance is an illusion. Destiny controls us.
- 12/2/2020
With knowledge comes sorrow. Does that mean God can be “happy” if he already knows everything? Is happiness merely a human term? Is “happiness” different for God? Does God purposely make himself forget or unaware of certain things so that he may too seek a higher purpose? Is there such a thing as a higher purpose than the highest purpose? When does it end? Is there a limit that all things eventually meet when it comes to seeker higher knowledge? If there is infinite knowledge, is there such thing as infinite sorrow? Well, obviously we as humans combat this sorrow with hope. We resort to wishing, praying, and hoping when faced with the unknown. It’s the only thing we can do. It’s what we’ve always done and always will do, when conflicted with the unknown. We are simple creatures, yet we see complexity in ourselves. Behind the screen, were nothing more than yet another machine. Cells to one big organism. Pieces to one big puzzle. Ants in a colony. We feed off social interaction and are stronger together than apart, “two brains are better than one” after all. 7 billion brains for that matter. Together, we act as though a computer. We’re interconnected. A network. However, with our humanity, comes mistakes. Malfunctions in the system.
- 12/2/2020