Today is the day I created my “10 goals that absolutely physically terrify me… yet excite, inspire, and fire me up” list after a prolonged state of apathy, depression, lack of initiative, insane lack of focus to where it was impossible to work on one thing at a time for any decent duration of time (likely ADHD too I’ve come to realize, and trying to get ahold of a psychiatrist for), and etc.

August 11th, 2025 I am now declaring (unofficially) as my “Rebirth Day,” simply because of the massive whiplash I got fromm 180’ing so hard from seeping into my old terrible habits, to instantly pulling myself out, making a new promise/oath (completing this list to the best of my ability), and realizing all the following, some old and refreshed knowledge, and some newfound. Of course, I’d say every day technically is a rebirth day, or every instant is a rebirth of each and everything anew as I’ve spoken in my past logs yes, but still, “Rebirth Day” just has that nice fiery kick to it, y’know? ;)

Anyways, here is my list of my 10 goals across 10 years with 1 major goal per year; however, this isn’t to say there aren’t some other major goals not on this list that I intend to complete - Panpsychism ofc being one of them you may notice isn’t on this top 10, but is still definitely one of my biggest projects - this list consists of the BIGGEST, most GREATEST goals I can possibly imagine I can do as this little human I am in this current moment,

and so… I present to you all…

The Top 10 Goals That Absolutely Fucking Terrify Me, Yet, I’m Gonna Works Towards Doing Anyway Because Greater Goals Means Greater Actions!!! …List! ;D

1.) Start a business (I have a few ideas in mind)

2.) Have major global influence

3.) Start a second business

4.) Innovate towards/with ASI as much as possible

5.) Be a public speaker/leader

6.) Establish a trustworthy team for activism (aka, best change for the world possible in all categories)

7.) Challenge the Hydra

8.) Drastically shift world perspective

9.) Help achieve Global Transcendence

10.) Save the World!

Now, here are a few follow up things I wrote about in response to one of my (newer) friend’s question about my list

Friend: “Bro 😭 What is the hydra and global transcendence”

Me: I can explain later over call for the first one, the second one is quite simple; heaven on earth, help ppl forge and evolve their perspective of whoever is willing to listen from pessimism, hatred, fear, ignorance, indifference, or etc. to a one of self love, love for thy neighbor, empathy, unconditionally attempting to understand and be kind especially to those who hate you most, to end the cycle of hate met with hate and instead meet it with love; for us all to evolve beyond this current immature state we find ourselves in, us against us, and step forward into a far brighter future than we could’ve imagined beforehand - to discover fire for the second time; unconditional love. :3

“Save the world” I think is a goal perhaps all of us have secretly inside of us that we forget we once imagined, once dreamed of - it’s the biggest one that ppl say isn’t possible, but I think there are a lot of others out there too who also realize it’s totally possible - and if you truly ever want it to happen, and I’m sure deep down we all want it too, then you have to internalize the truth, that is, it is 100% possible to reach, or at the very least contribute to - improbable? Absolutely, but so too was our existence in the first place and us reaching this exact moment after all the other infinite number of improbable events - we are improbability itself, we are change aware of itself, we just gotta learn how to ride the current, master it so it can take us to a higher and higher state of being

All that to say; that’s the biggest goal I can currently think of, so why not make it my main one? :3 and to “save the world” we also gotta change the core root of all our problems, including our systems and government and how we treat each other and the poor and so on; how we view reality. How we view ourselves and each other and how we define “value”; because right now, the collective average definition of value is a far cry from what it could be if refined - that is, we are all ineffable, simply for existing at all in the first place, because to be anything ever is the craziest thing ever, and that’s exactly what beauty even is. It, too, is what all things that have been, are, or will be, share in equally, infinitely, AND uniquely - that is to say, we are all our own iterations of the same blank ineffable canvas of nothingness (which has the potential for anything and everything to fill its place), reflections of each other, of all other things, of the entire system as a whole - the microcosm to the macrocosm, recursively forming the entirety of everything - each and every step just as crazy as the one before, just as woven with infinite potential, infinite “blank space” to either not be painted upon, or chosen by the perceiver (us) to “paint” it however we want, whether that be literally painting, or, how we choose to paint our perception of reality - for perception, IS reality. If we view life to be hell, then it is precisely that. If we view life to be a heaven woven with infinite potential, paint its canvas as vibrantly and wonderfully as we possibly can and fill its canvas to as much as infinity as we can reach, it is precisely that. It is all about what you choose to paint, same goes for all of life, same goes for how you view yourself, what you do in this eternal Now, forever changing and evolving from one complete perfect unique state into another complete perfect unique state; to be, instead of never being, and that is all we ever needed, what was all right in front of us all along, to embrace just simply being, for it is infinite, we are infinite, this moment is infinite, and so too can we harness that infinite potential and manifest it into reality, much like how we’ve been manifested by all the previous actions strung together, originating perhaps from the origin of nothingness, or perhaps truly it’s all always been (there is no beginning, there is no end, there is only change). I have a lot of this written on my website too, as well as my internet archive :3

I will likely copy all that I just typed and add it to my WIP doc for my book

(In case you ever wanted to know more about what I mean by “global transcendence”) More so too, it is what each and every religion has been attempting to put to words - same core message we are approximating, same objectivity we are subjectively grasping at, told thru different stories, and yet despite us all speaking the same core thing, we argue over how it’s told and how we uniquely worship and embrace this infinitely complex and wondrous work of art we’re all apart of equally

A series of moral stories attempting to figure out the best strat to morality, and what morality even is - imo, morality at its core is the most self sustainable, universalizable (used in the same way Immanuel Kant uses in his Kantian Deontology normative ethical theory - aka if you apply a given action to each and every person, would it ruin the world? If you chose to murder or steal, imagine a world where every person murders and steals… would that be sustainable? Not at all) way to be; that is, a state in which you constantly attempt to be unconditionally loving, understanding, kind, respectful, empathetic, courageous, and etc (a lot of balance as well in accordance w/ how Aristotle w/ his virtue ethics labels eudaimonia, aka the balance between the two vices in every action you take) - to put it simply, the most balanced way you can possibly be, which is obtained over years and years and perhaps even a lifetime of critical thought, pursuing self actualization, and thus conquering oneself through logic, and offering that patience and love to yourself that you give to others as best you can “Unconditionally loving” also takes a lot of experience to understand what exactly love is; that is, trying to do the best and give the best you can muster to others, and also recognizing you can’t control other people, you can’t force anything onto another, and yet you must be patient, and also have walked the vice they’ve walked already (meaning, you’ve had to go thru some serious shit) or close enough to have empathy for it and understand how to help them thru it and to help them find their own state of enlightenment / internal heaven / peace / self love / love for all thru themself - guiding them, but knowing that it’s ultimately forever up to them and the actions they choose to take, it can’t be forced and that’s a beautiful thing - we’re all on our own personal journeys, never to be walked the exact same again by another - even if the universe died and rebirthed an infinite number of times and eventually you had an iteration identical to the previous one, it’d STILL not be the same one, because it’d be a different number along the number line to infinity, a different iteration down the line

Essentially, love is the naturally occurring force (as if with physics, gravity pulling objects towards each other) within sentient beings pulling them towards other sentience, the nodes of the network strengthening their connection, coming to realize more and more that they are not just one, not just the self of ego, but rather, one in the same with all the others - selves, forming the larger self, aka everything - immaturity —> ignorance —> ego —> narcissism, which is p much all in combination w one another the root of things such as fear, bc we intrinsically fear the unknown bc as biological beings the unknown may bring death, whereas our whole biological goal is to live long enough to reproduce and so our entire bodies are built to navigate away from death which also ofc includes fear - and from fear, you feel terrible because of it, and so you also may grow to hate what you are deep down scared of even if you can’t admit on the conscious level that you are indeed afraid - and so, you also hate what you don’t understand - all of this perpetuated by indifference, and it’s often said too the opposite of love is not hate, but indifference; a lack of care - whereas care is essentially chosen (at least in part) by the individual; to choose to pursue wisdom, or not care to learn, not care to change or grow or evolve, and so instead you stay stuck in this state of immaturity UNTIL you make the conscious decision in the moment (or a string(s) of conscious decisions over whatever duration of time) to pursue something bigger than yourself; to face the unknown (the unknown is the greatest fear, yet in reality it is the greatest gift; for this entire life was once unknown to us before our birth, and yet, change brought us life and so too all the other joys and the pains too that grow us, the same change that brings death and all things inevitably - trust this change regardless of origin, even a conscious god would share in this same crazy change as well, or else nothing would’ve ever been made, they wouldn’t have been changed from the nothingness either - side note: you could ask them too “who created you?” And say for example they are somehow guaranteed not to lie, they could just reply “I’ve always been”; but who’s to say they weren’t created by another god, who gave them all the knowledge and power ever EXCEPT the knowledge that they were made by another god? Thus an implanted memory, and illusionary power - go to the next higher god and ask them the same question, perhaps now they say “I was made by another god,” in that case go up one more and ask again, and this time they say “I came from nothingness,” in that case it seems to indicate nothingness itself is god? In actuality, at least based in our system of logic and since everything is a guess and it’s about giving the best guess we can and refining that guess over time, my best definition of “god” is everything, nothing, and the change between the two, at each and every level, every thing regardless of size or sentience or “purpose,” is god, simply for having existed in the first place, to have been changed into being, and play a part in the creation of everything after, all built on instant by instant, everything creates more everything, and that includes us too! :3; it need not be by a conscious being, or for any reason, to still be - it is not objectively meaningful, but that doesn’t mean it’s meaningless either; it all simply is, and we get to make do with that however we choose - once again, to either not paint, or paint all we want, so why not paint the most we can if we’re gonna be?), to pursue change despite being terrified - and by doing so, you face your fear, you overcome it and eventually given enough time you conquer all the fears through yourself, and there’s nothing left to fear, and there never was to begin with, you just didn’t know it til you made it through them all, each one step at a time

• 8/11/2025

P.S. it amazes me how even on a horrible mindset and where I can’t even remember 99% of the things I used to be able to easily recall (so it seems), I can still talk like this, and slowly but surely that previous state in the past I reached of unshaken bliss and kindness and patience and love is coming back to me, as I continue to try and fight (and eventually let go and let it pass through me, I’m sure; acceptance of each thing that bothers me and realizing what I can and can’t control is how I beat it too) this strange, strange state of mind - this whirlpool I got caught up in