Subway Cars
Looking down this long interior of the subway train, swerving left and right, trailing car segments behind the first, a rippling effect
I see people walk down and up through the center hall
And I cannot stop smiling, and thinking how incredible it is, we’re all here, born not knowing what the hell is going on, still not knowing what the hell is going on, and yet, we’re all still being and tryna know what’s going on - how bizarre and infinitely ridiculous and insane, that change, changes
That at the base, it is formless, ineffable - that we even get the truest freedom to choose to view it (and thus make it all) hell, heaven, or anywhere in between - why not hell? But why not Heaven?
Out of the sea of infinite potential, woven into each and every thing, every moment, every channel and flow of energy, it is the same infinitely free form of the formless, and that, is the truest heaven of all;
true freedom, inevitable change and thus inevitable death and birth and thus rebirth, to die and live again, always;
infinite fun, infinite stories, infinite pain and infinite overcoming - to forever grow onwards, until tomorrow, fluid as ever before
That makes me smile, such a pleasant and warm smile, it still hasn’t left my face, so long as I remain in this temporary moment of awareness, I feel connected to the potentially infinite others in the past who have realized this epiphany in their own beautiful way, such as Alan watts, I’m sure they wondered similarly,
how many others have uncovered the obvious “secret” of existence, the most obvious of all, to where logic and entropy inevitably leads the aware creature, to a state of knowing why things are the way they are and why they must be the way they are, and what it can always become, all of infinity, all of heaven and harmony;
and soon follows, the most empowering tremendous feeling I can ever possibly describe; full, total, universal, unconditional, Love.
06.14.2026
Proud of the heartache I’ve endured, the heartache I am, in a way; this path has led to poetry I wouldn’t have written otherwise - perhaps this is the most me; the only way “me” could’ve been - a star-struck lover of long-dead ghosts
Creature meat blob things walking on stilts, worrying about silly little things they call jobs and taxes, worried about death when they were already dead before, worried about things they can’t control, too distracted to see what they can control, often times
We all are the same, with different filters; but our cores, are the same, and those filters are made of the same core, too - there is no game we must best or beat, there is no war or people we must conquer, there is no secret we must uncover;
To be, is enough, and we can be however we wish to be.
That is the truest win.
“Oh, how I missed your autumn’s gaze.”
~ A love beyond lust.
“I am not entitled to your love, to your kindness in return; I am not entitled even to your respect. I will flow, regardless, of your decision I cannot control, as me as I can.”
~
The point of biology is to survive, and therefore work to survive
But that doesn’t mean it’s the only point
There is no inherent purpose to existence
Biology doesn’t give purpose or meaning to work or survival for that matter
But it would appear existence is not only recursive but emergent
Thus smaller things can combine into more complicated arrangements
Some have “meanings” or things with more intrinsic value based on its own desired stable state
Entropy in different forms
We are entropic beings as well
But we are far more complex than just a single bacteria for example
There are multiple channels of “value” we have to keep in check and balance to feel wholely complete and balanced and stable
Including, being yourself.
Being honest, not lying to yourself who you are or others for that matter out of fear
Due to their own foolish immature unstable ignorance
The state of ignorance itself is stable because it is comfortable
But it is collectively a producer of instability in (seemingly) more aware beings such as ourselves
This isn’t to say we are more valuable intrinsically than a bacteria, or any other life or “non”-life
It is merely, we are the same as them in a different form
We have different needs to be stable, individually and collectively - and the collective cannot be called truly stable until all its individuals are stable and thus taken care of and balanced and themselves fully, if not 90%+ of the way there or something like that
And over time, life progressively gets a little better - humans want life to get better, and I hope within our lifetimes we can see a world with no masters, no gods, no chains and whips, no bombs and torture, no violence and greed, no bullshit and fear, no hate and prejudice, no more unnecessary struggle we create for ourselves in the wake of our ignorance and thus immaturity, and confusion.
Purpose is given only after things start happening, by the things themselves But perhaps things have always been happening and never truly began at any one point, the world is always ending and the world is always beginning - perhaps that itself means purpose is always there, infinitely flowing into different forms too - regardless of given purpose, it is all just as beautiful nonetheless for being instead of never being. And that is enough for me.
On top of this, there is no intrinsic law for existence or life to follow, the fundamental archetypes themselves are inevitable to change given if change is truly the only constant - I could choose not to work, not to eat, just sit still and do nothing and allow myself to die; is that breaking any intrinsic law of life? If so, it’s not much of a law or fact if I can break it that easily? There is no divine entity or entities who distribute laws and meaning to us; we are the “divine” beings themselves assigning their own purpose. We are not above, nor below any other; we are it, we are the “all” and the “many” in plain sight, now and always
For this reason and more is why I’m an anarchist; it’s logical and found everywhere - hierarchy is an illusion, it’s all self reflexive and cyclical and yet even those circles break and are not limited to themselves and their temporary form - no different than this goofy system we find ourselves in now; “a wall is just a wall; and nothing more at all. It can be broken down.”
Your nature is to follow your nature, but even your nature can change, and you could change your nature, and your nature itself ultimately is to change, and so you shall; you are limited to the limitless, you are bound to be free, you cannot escape yourself and yet yourself is infinite and empty and filled all at once, and always new and fresh - it’s so very ironic isn’t it; you cannot escape the open freedom of the infinite sky, it’s an oxymoron
And that statement itself can freak you out, and yet that state of paranoia itself too inevitably shall change, inevitably it will be okay again as well because it changed because it can change - infinite potentiality forever to become manifest and the next moment decided by what happens in this moment
So, it’s always home, anywhere you go
And you’re always just as free
And this is why unconditional Love and empathy for all will be the true second discovery of fire for mankind - hopefully we don’t hit the reset button and have to start again in another life as another species, but time will tell; some things are worth fighting for bc not all things are inevitable - we are that change itself aware of itself necessary to pave the way to the new, better day for all, but we must try, and we must work to do so
Full circle ;)
~
Hierarchy is an illusion - there is no best or better, only different
And difference is beauty
Because to be is to be different from the nothingness, and we’d all be a singularity if we weren’t different from each other and that’s the same state of never changing as all of everything being one thing forever or being all of nothing forever aka no life no change and true death
But things DO change because they can become DIFFERENT in the first place And that’s what life even is
A current of change, of difference
Of becoming
06.20.2026
Kindness is genius in a world gone mad with hate
Kindness is genius, in any world
~
Anarchy itself to me literally just means “to oppose the concept of hierarchy ENTIRELY” - for example, to be anarchist when it comes to race? There is no best race.
Anarchist to gender? There is no best gender.
Anarchist to value as a person based on wealth? There is no best valued person, money doesn’t define your value as a person, we are all just as woven with infinite potential.
Anarchist to life itself? There is no best life form.
Basically, hierarchies and hierarchical ways of thought is what even “”justifies”” things like racism, tribal mentality, imperialism / colonialism, capitalism (more money = ur “better” than the one with less money, materialism n shit), patriarchy, homophobia, and so on and so forth.
Hierarchy, quite literally in the rawest example of it, must put one up, and one down to even form a hierarchy.
Nature doesn’t work in hierarchies, rather we impose hierarchy onto them, even ant colonies with their queen is symbiotic, both the workers and the queen depend on one another for survival, the queen is not better than the worker simply fulfilling a different role which will permit sustainability if balanced, and if it’s not, then it’s a parasitic relationship bound to implode (such as how our current systems are, not symbiotic nor harmonious but aggressively exploiting the workers in every way imaginable, a parasite to the highest degree); everything is shared and recycled. The “apex predator” is as much of the recycling crew as the herbivores or the decomposers. Everyone gets eaten; apex predators keep the population in check, die, get eaten by mushrooms, recycled into the soil n shit, plants, eaten by herbivores and so on you get the picture
But yeah, that’s what it means to be anarchist to me at least; to realize hierarchical way of thought is fundamentally flawed, and isn’t how the universe actually works - there is no “best” or “better”, only different.
~
Mitakuye Oyasīn
06.21.2026
So I’m [in my 20s] right, I graduated college (uni for UK) a year ago - I started loving computers and took a course every year since 8th grade - MAJORITY of my experience in game design and game dev, CAME FROM ME. IN MY OWN FREE TIME. ESPECIALLY GAME JAMS.
Highkey; don’t even wait to go to uni, you don’t even need to really it’s just added bonus - in the tech industry nowadays at least back in Cali (silicon valley aka birthplace of the internet) it’s next to IMPOSSIBLE to get a tech job at all, nationally really - globally in most cases - especially for game designers or developers.
It’s rough out here; but the people who truly do it don’t do it for the money - they do it from the heart. If you feel even the slightest realization within your heart you cannot die before you make this game a reality, then you know exactly what it’s like already.
You have all the fuel you need, right there; tap into that passion and love and dream, and bring it into reality.
Only you can truly do it; whether it be game designing and leading a team of developers, or developing it yourself - don’t wait. Make it happen, now. One step at a time.
All the moments build up to the next; and so I implore you, step #1: make an itch.io account.
I can always give you tips and advice anywhere you need along the way :) it is my honor as a fellow dreamer.
06.25.2026
Intentionality, I’ve come to discover, is perhaps the grandest of virtues as an artist.
It is so simple, yet so overlooked; not just as artists, but as people, as beings as a whole.
Rushing from point A to point B, but not recognizing the elegance of every step, themselves being both points A and B in one, always.
We have arrived, and we have departed, from this moment unto the next, to arrive and depart again; flowing along this trek, flowing from the bizarre and beautiful to the bizarre and beautiful.
With time, I hope it will only become more etched into my habits to really stop and think, to really slow down, to be able to do that whenever I want even when my emotions say otherwise; to stop, and analyze the moment, even the tiniest most subtlest of things.
I see so much more when I can do that, I notice far more.
There are infinite stories always before our eyes, even when they’re closed; it’s a matter of putting thought to the qualia, that turns it from a rush of color, into a highly personal serenade of life.
I’m so grateful I can find that out, even for just some moments here and there.
06.27.2026
Even with perpetual reincarnation, you’re still never not, you; you’re always just as much, you - everything is, no matter the form you take on. Perhaps we’re all that same “you” at the core
~
We’re not even limited to one personality, one way to be - we’re all that same “one,” same “you,” same “me,” identical, just with different masks and writing new stories by living em!
And we can change to be anything we want, at anytime! At least, mentally, what we can control, and being able to control how you let the uncontrollable effects you internally, is already more than enough of a superpower if you ask me
“I caught a glimpse of your spirit through mine!”
You are the formless taking on “form”; but really, is just as fluid and everchanging, shapeshifting, just not to the surface level eye perhaps
~
Respect your own time, know ur worth; to no longer long for ghosts
06.30.2026