“I can’t hate you. I can’t even blame you. I can’t blame anyone. I can’t blame anyone.”

[ Part 1 ]

Scratching golden paint chips off this mesmerizing, ancient railing; spiraling up into the air, and down they fall like autumn leaves.

Your mural, in this old library, is still as new as the day it was painted and as ancient as our forgotten story.

You smile through song so wonderfully. I feel the weight of your soul, I feel the glow of your presence. I can almost hear you laughing, filled with life. I can almost hear our past conversations.

It’s a comedy, how I ever could’ve despised you, even in the slightest. How I ever could’ve blamed you for our separation, when truly, it’s much like the wind; a force of nature, and with none to blame.

At the end of time, at the end of it all, or even at just the end of this moment and the next, I only ever want you at your happiest; at your happiest, and just as you as the day before, and the day after.

You’re a miracle, and I’m so happy you ever existed at all.

Let alone, getting the honor of knowing you, my past lover.

Fly, you angel. Fly.

“I love you, you ghost.”

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[ Part 2 ]

I love loving you.

I love hurting over you.

I love feeling the weight and the pain, hugging my blankets like they’re you, reminiscing on old memories, old DMs, old photographs.

I love hurting over you, and I love being able to look back on that pain once it’s subsided, recognizing that was apart of the game of Love, too.

“I love you,” I mouthed, spoken not even through the air, but its silence felt like a whole new meaning of authenticity.

You marvelous dove. You morning sun. You blessed moon of the night. You twinkling sky of stars.

I could only ever wish you everything in the world and more, for the person I loved more than I could ever love anyone.

Thank you, for showing me how to love.

Thank you, for helping me relearn that even now.

Thank you, for being anything at all.

I love you so much, but I’d never tell you that to your face, not anymore.

At the least, I can give you the respect you deserve, and let you be free to do whatever you choose.

I believe in you, always; and you’re not just some Santa Claus.

You’re real.

You’re real, and that’s amazing.