The Story
Just bawled my eyes out all the way home out of just pure bliss it feels like I haven’t experienced in ages but really it’s only been like a month
All that philosophical existential shit I kept going thru on what’s the point of love if it’s just chemicals or what’s the point of anything if it’s just to accept interconnection and absence of the self and attain enlightenment by exiting the cycle altogether, only to return to the exact same conclusion via a different route once again; I will only ever know nothing. I am none, but I too am one. Everything is; and why? How? It doesn’t matter. It just is. And that’s all that really matters. That in spite of it not supposed to be anything, it still is. Much like our lives, too. Nothing makes sense; but that nonsense somehow makes all the sense ever.
I helped someone out today before my midterm, a complete stranger who I could tell was antisocial and likely had mild autism / speech problems, but I genuinely wanted to help him succeed bc he said how he was nervous. And on my drive home I just thought how like I loved him, a complete fucking stranger, and how nonsense it was to like genuinely care about some person I just met and have no idea how they are as a person, and how silly it should be, but how regardless I just fucking absolutely love everybody and everything ever. It doesn’t make any sense for love to even exist, but what even made sense in the first place? I want everything and everyone in the world to be the happiest it can be. And I’m crying again typing that. Everything is so fucking beautiful.
- 3/5/2024
If the point is the journey and not the destination, then should we choose to remain ignorant? or should we all join in eudaimonia, truly one in the same, no more need for desires (and perhaps creation on our part entirely, aside from the “creation” of our final enlightenment, a story written by us through experience, qualia), thus, would the last and final step be death? This seems innately beautiful, or perhaps the system being self-defeating (but perhaps this self-defeat is ouroboros taking shape once again), but then again, sense itself doesn’t seem to make sense, who am i to truly say anything, “all i know is that i know nothing.” I talk a bit more on this post-transcendental stuff in the next audio log I will be uploading here, on “Art Death.” Also, regarding what I said in moral philosophy, social contract theory is indeed an example of a sound intersubjective normative theory, however, this is also based in logic (for us all to act out of best self interest as a social group to not harm one another, rules we’d agree to if we were fully impartial, rational, free, etc.) which indeed seems to be objective (perhaps subjectivity entirely is merely a relative perception - a different angle - of objective truths interacting with one another, tying back to something I spoke on a while ago “the dimension of the psyche”; once again, we are the universe coming to understand itself, borrowed stardust along the lines of Carl Sagan, entropy, the manifestation between creation and destruction); however, perhaps we’re encapsulated within another system of logic, where ours is a piece of its system or entirely different. We truly know nothing; yet, I’m trying to find a reason to try and bring everyone to enlightenment to the best of my ability; it seems like a step in the right direction, but it still doesn’t seem like it’s the full answer, so, alas, I’m back to solving this big crazy (yet, awesome) puzzle. All collective human knowledge is conglomerating more and more by the day, our species getting closer and closer to an age of transcendence if not halted by an age of absolute destruction. Soon, we may just find out more about ourselves. Or, maybe we’ll be in this cycle forever. But that doesn’t seem to be the case.
It’s all about progression, all about change, all about the story. 444.
- H, 3/21/2024