Feb - June 2021 Entries
I wish to learn how to do and do everything I possibly can and gain as much knowledge as possible and yet, it might be entirely fruitless, but at the same time, not pointless at all, because I exist and am here to perceive these things and make something from nothing, my form of reality only exists because I perceive it in the ways that I do, without my presence, the story told from beyond these eyes never would’ve existed.
- [old name] 2/5/2021
“Ik, I’m planning on seeing my neurologist hopefully soon
Hopefully it’ll be reversible, if not however, then ig someone else will be living in this body soon enough
Take my memories and my experiences, you take my soul too, and yknow what, I’m fine with that, it’s all set in stone anyways - predestined, and all things happen for a reason so, I guess I’ll see where the road takes me”
- My side of a conversation in a DM on the topic of my dementia-like symptoms as of 2/5/2021
? qualia or its beholder - am i “my” perceptions or what lies behind the screen of sense
- Quick little entry on 6/21/21
Beachside Paradise written by [old name], 6/22/21 at 12:44AM (time finished)
Beachside paradise
A simple breeze
Breathe in
Breathe out
Wake up
It’s 10 past 7
Stayed up late again I see?
Look in the mirror
Minutes are seconds
Breathe in
Breathe out
Get ready, it’s time to spectate
Watch yourself walk through the door
Drive to work, talk with friends, it’s all the same
Keep going, you’ve gotta last longer, right?
Move your feet, you can only go forward
Previous locations fill the rear view mirror
Go, go, go
Keep going
You’ll find your peace one day - your mind if you’re lucky
Breathe in
Breathe out
Breathe
Breathe
Please breathe
I can’t
Where
Where did everybody go
Where are my friends
Where am I
Where am I
Where
When
When did I lose myself
When did I lose it all
When did I lose
When did I lose
When did I lose
Why
Why am I here
Why am I hurt
Who hurt me, me - who?
Why
Why, why why why
How
How am I hurt
How do I feel
How should I feel
How does this all work
I’m not sure
And I’m not sure you’re sure either
I’m dying, dy-ing
no, I’m drowning
Swim, but I can’t breathe
Breathe, but there’s no air
Breathe
Breathe
Breathe[.]