
We Are A River
(✿◡‿◡) Some Advice ╰( •̀ ω •́ )✧
Friend:
I’ve just been emotionally drained and my sleep already doesn’t help
Me:
Aw, I’m so sorry :(
Wanna talk about it?
Friend:
I’m just putting so much effort into wanting to make plans with this group but we play games and share some interests in stuff but it’s like I’m either talking to a wall half of the time or it’s like it gets pushed off to the side
Blehhh people
Also just losing motivation for some stuff like college and just trying with some people but I’m too tired to do it
Me:
I’m sorry about that :(
I’ve been there
SOOOOOOOOOOO many times
You have no idea
I totally get it
I kinda have the same thing going on
Not as bad as other situations in the past, but
Yeah, friend group who just
Endures my presence
But I’m not really, celebrated or wanted, kinda feeling; you know?
Friend:
Yeah it’s that exact feeling
Me:
I felt that even just today w the game jam stuff and felt really incompetent
But
The thing that especially saves u from that kinda stuff
Is really rooting and grounding yourself, in you
When no one else is ur guardian angel for years and years….. u learn to be ur own, to give urself that love and affection u always wanted; and then u can extend that outwards to everyone and everything, too :)
Far easier said than done
Just 3 hours ago I wanted to die again
But such is the duality of life
It keeps it interesting
It keeps it new
Unless we keep ourselves trapped in cycles of self despite - which is inevitably broken the more we become aware of ourself and our roots, we understand ourselves deeper, and the more you’re aware of, the more you can come to love, too
Friend:
Are you ok Kaiju?
Me:
Yeah I’m good now, doing much better
It might be the medicines I’m taking or something, my head and my heart is just really fucked up and hurting weird today
But I’ll be ok :3
I say this
As my advice to you tho
Keep facing your shadow
Your shadow is you too; and you are not your enemy, unless you keep believing yourself to be
So too for the world and all else
I still get caught up
Thinking like that sometimes
Or it has no purpose
No meaning
But life and existence is not objectively meaningful, but that doesn’t mean it’s meaningless either
It just is
Meaning only comes after stuff starts happening
We’re the meaning! And we’re the happening! …..we’re the meaning happening! :)
Friend:
For me I just wanna be more than just an extra piece I want to be useful. I don’t wanna be a second option sure it sounds dumb but I wanna feel needed and feel like I’m contributing to people
Me:
Well fun fact
You’re probably the person I’ve talked to the most since we got back in contact
So
:3
And I enjoy playing w u now the same as I did back then
Ur not intrinsically just useless or a second option
It’s just the environment you’re in
And how you view yourself, too
For 20 years of my life
I thought of myself as only ever second at best, too
But a major part was my friend group
Friend:
Yeah it’s just a whole bunch that plays into it but I don’t know bleh
Me:
Exactly
It’s a lot
It’s the hardest thing we as people can do, really
Is unraveling, untangling ourself down by the roots, and up at the surface too
You’ve got tangling in your branches, and perhaps in your roots in the soil
But
You never needed to prove your value, your depth
But the world said you had to
Doesn’t mean it’s true, it’s just the illusion we play on ourself
Each step, you’re your whole, complete self - and you change into a new, different, but still just as whole and complete version of yourself, every new instant, second, moment
You are your own change aware of itself
And so the change you want towards a better day or future or world or friends or anything….. you are the change itself, aware of itself
Like a river
A river is a river, because it is constantly flowing, constantly changing
We, are rivers through time
:3
Friend:
Thanks Kaiju
Me:
Of course :3
Anytime
Friend:
The humble waterfall 🌊
Me:
TRUE
The humble river
But yeah, that’s what life is, that’s what birth is, death is, evolution, creation, destruction, going from nothing to being something, and vice versa, the birth of everything, the birth of you, the birth of the next moment, time, entropy…… all of it? Is change. That’s what unites everything; being, and forever becoming. Death too is but another change, another continuation of the becoming :)
Friend:
Life is river we slide down the water perhaps
Me:
Exactly! :D
And better yet
We ARE the water!
We’re all those little molecules
Each molecule a person
We start in the sky, rain down on the mountaintop and we all start the same way, at a lake together at the top, zero knowledge and understanding as babies, then we flow down from the mountain, us all taking different streams, some rivers, some only trickles and niche, all sorts of areas until we eventually meet again down in the ocean…. Until we’re precipitated back on up into the clouds again, to rain down, and start all over again in a brain new path down to the ocean, and yet, we’re still the same water molecule regardless, just goin again! A new path to explore! :)
Friend:
Hell yeah
Me:
:3
And
That analogy works for like really anything
It’s change, again, that’s all it is
The cycle of change; it doesn’t repeat, but it does rhyme
Like history
Like each day
Like each year
Like each person
Like each living thing
Like every thing
Like a whole lifetime
Like stars
Like galaxies, like universes
It’s all the same core “story,” just told in a new beautiful, unique way
In our modern day, we try to shut ppl down saying “oh lol that’s too deep bro” or whatever, when truly, everything is that deep - if you wanna understand urself and come to love yourself as a whole? You ride down to your roots and address them head on, for example, you don’t just go without addressing ur feelings or they never go away. Want to come to love someone else as a whole? Well that’s what relationships are or even friendships or family, you know them more and more and more the more you spend time with them. Want to come to love the world, the universe, life as a whole? You have to dig to its roots and come to higher awareness so you can acknowledge and love its roots too, then! And that’s deep, so too are roots in the ground, though, and they’re just as important as the tree above ;3
Loving the full system, not just the branches
Loving the full person, not just their looks or just their social persona they play
But their heart
Their soul
But yeah :3
Friend:
Awesome sauce system
Me:
Exactly :3
Friend:
Love like no tomorrow
Me:
That’s what love is
An embracement of being
Whether it’s your being, or another’s
Or our collective us and the universe and all of everything that is all us
And the more you’re aware of, the more you come to realize exists, more that is being alongside you
Thus, the more things you can come to acknowledge and accept, eventually come to be even grateful for, and eventually, come to love as you strengthen that gratitude for their existence
:D
Friend:
Gotta love loving the stuff around you boom shakalaka
Me:
Exactly! :3
Loving love is so epic
As an end to itself
Infinite loop
Forever growing
Forever gaining more wisdom and thus awareness
Forever gaining more experience
More to come to appreciate
More that will forever have happened even when no one remembers anymore
More to come to love
We are all on a path towards higher and higher states of love
Literally just based in raw logic
:)
That’s why I like saying the spiritual and the scientific are not separate but intertwined, too!
Science is the pursuit of wisdom, wisdom grows awareness, awareness is just another word for consciousness, consciousness is just another word for soul
Wisdom grows your awareness, and thus grows your soul
Not only that, but your capacity for love too!
And I couldn’t imagine anything greater
Than what we’ve all always had all along
:D
Friend:
The river brought me back it’s like the water was speaking to me
Me:
Yes! :)
Brought you back, but not the same still
Changed
Grown
:3
But yeah
How do you feel about what all I said? What’re your immediate feelings and thoughts?
More specifically; what do you think you might be keeping yourself from out of potential fear or the past weighing you down?
Do you remain with your friend group who doesn’t treat u really as an equal out of fear of being alone? Out of fear being 1-on-1 with yourself and your thoughts again, perhaps too?
I think we kinda had this talk in the past too
We’re both in a similar situation again
Same, but different
History doesn’t repeat itself but it does rhyme
Friend:
They do treat me well I’m just afraid of being alone and not being enough for it
Me:
I know
I understand
I’ve lived it too
But, what I’m trying to say is
You are enough! :)
You’ve always been enough
It’s just how you view yourself
That weighs you down especially
Friend:
Yeah
Me:
Release your fear, by facing it directly, speaking with it, addressing the shadow and acknowledging it, and digging deeper and deeper, asking yourself questions like “Why? Why do I feel like this? When did it start? Have I always felt this way? Is it bc of my past experience? Do I want it to weigh me down any longer.. no? If not, why do I keep holding onto the fear then? How do I let go of the fear? How do I come to love myself more?”
And you’ll keep figuring yourself out more and more, and more specifically, more on why you feel like you don’t belong or you aren’t enough, when you’ve always belonged, and always have been enough, it’s just other ppl who don’t feel like they fully belong or are enough either reflect that onto other ppl as well, including u and me and so many others throughout our lives
We have to realize, too, that most ppl get it wrong
About us, especially
Really, kinda everyone gets it wrong in a way, even the ppl who know us best; and that’s because, theyve never lived exactly as us before!
And that’s why, you are the true one who defines you
And who confines you as well
How you define yourself, is how you confine yourself.
And so, keep refining your definition step by step with time
To release your weights. :)
Friend:
Thank ya Ashli
Me:
Anytime :3
Friend:
May not have the words sometimes but I’m here for ya too
Me:
I really appreciate it
Friend:
I appreciate ya for talking about the stuff going on I would say more if I could but english and words aren’t my strong suit lol
I care about ya and I appreciate you for being a friend again even though everything was rough
Me:
Of course :>
That’s what friends are for
I’ll speak the words for you when you can’t, and you’ll speak the words for me when I can’t
Friend:
Never said it better 🫂
Me:
^W^
🫂
[Couple messages later I skip for sake of their anonymity]
Me:
Real recognizes real
🐱🤝🐱
I think that this already is heaven too tbh, the before life current life and afterlife - silly reincarnation moment - when ur ignorant that it’s indeed heaven is when you are lead to believe it’s hell and view it as such and act like it is too and treat others like it is and etc - til u get more KNOWWWWLEDGEEEE and u basically remember / wake up “oh yeah lol :3”
It’s crazy how life plays out
It’s funny
Da divine comedy
(And also da divine tragedy)
But either way….. divine :3
Life moment
Existence moment
I can’t not shut up about it
I LOVE LIFE CHARLIE!!!! I LOVE LIIIIIIIIFE!!!
Friend:
I’d rather you don’t shut up about it:3!
Me:
YAY
:3
10/10/2025 4:22AM PST